5 Most Harrowing Dining Experiences at Universal Studios Hollywood

Greetings from the freeways of California! I’m traveling on business…and the business is to witness the most harrowing culinary moments amusement park dining has to offer.

Universal Studios is a park of many themes but even more questionable food choices. Secure your lap bars. We’re going for a ride.

Bowser’s Fireball Challenge

I tend to avoid any food described as a “challenge” as a rule, regardless of what Mario character they might be affiliated with. What I love about this meal is mostly the name. It tells you almost nothing about what you’re about to eat other than it’s not going down without a fight. This item at the Toadstool Cafe at Super Mario World turned out to be a 1 lb meatball with a big Bowser shaped puff pastry on top. It is $25.

The turkey leg that came in a rotisserie chicken bag

Listen: those turkey legs slap. For $14, you’re probably not going to find a better meat-to-dollar ratio in the park. This isn’t my first square-up with a theme park turkey leg, but it was the first time it was handed to me in a plastic bag with a handle a la the rotisserie chickens you buy at the grocery store. It was actually kind of convenient, if I’m being honest, but it also cheapened the experience quite a bit.

The woman standing in the sun eating a plate of fettuccine Alfredo

At an AMUSEMENT PARK.

The Lard Lad donut that a little girl ate after her father dropped it on the ground

At an AMUSEMENT PARK!!!!!!!!!

The family stuffing a backpack full of In-N-Out burgers and fries into the lockers by The Mummy

Listen. I get it. Food inside the park is expensive. None of us want to spend $10 on a single slice of cheese pizza, so packing snacks isn’t a bad option, but might I suggest a Clif bar or a bag of trail mix? Don’t count me in for sweaty locker burgers after the ride.